The Runaround
by foxxxxxi
Summary: After making a tough call then being placed under the beck and call of a very vengeful and very curvaceous demigod, what would anyone do? Eh whatever it was a time for a change in scenery anyway.
1. Golden Apple

**Author's Note:**

I humbly ask that you as a reader comment and/or like, letting me know how my story is, so that I may improve it. Any critiques you might have will be graciously accepted. So be gentle. ;D

Dawnstar Psychological Services, Alexandria, Virginia.

* * *

"Alexandra, where is your three O'clock?"

Alex didn't respond to her receptionists sarcastic question, she knew very well where he was and why he was late. Dawnstar Psychology is a service that deals with individuals who need mental evaluations that were turned away by more reputable establishments. Most clients coming into Dawnstar had serious issues like developing schizophrenia or severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but not this young man, he was being sent by the demand of his parents.

This young man has been to a few institutions and was turned away after multiple sessions where he refused to talk. According to the dossier the subject in question was named 'James Aayden Ryan V'. The folder had a full body shot of the patient, standing at six foot three he posed in the most uninterested fashion for the photo with only his light brown hair and his piercing blue eyes being filled out on the info sheet. Looking closer at the photo Alex saw the points of colorful tattoos coming out from the neck of his jacket and he was fit in the right places.

"Sexy." Came a voice from Alex's shoulder.

"That's not funny, Natasha, you know you shouldn't look at patients like that."

"Oh please you were thinking the same, but if it pleases her highness I won't look, though he can look at me any way he wants." Natasha countered with a challenging smirk.

Alexandra facepalmed and went to her office to wait for the patient. Show or no show the clinic would still keep the money so it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but to Alex it made her a little sad when she couldn't help troubled cases.

Stopping to open her door she looked out the window to see a swift car pass along the road below the two story lakefront office building. "Where is that boy?"

* * *

Subject in question

* * *

"Fucking Parents and their bullshit making me go to fucking therapy." I sneered as I sped around a dump truck going 30 mph too slow, "Fucking threatening to cut my college funds off. Assholes."

College is expensive nowadays, I mean seriously I work two jobs just to keep up with off my car and apartment payments. Thinking about the day my drunkard father demanded I go to therapy sent me into fits of rage. What sparked the demand to go to therapy you ask? Simple, My Little Pony, my parents sent me to therapy for liking a show.

The day he found out he tried beating me senseless with a beer bottle, the man literally bursted into my room when I was on spring break and shattered a bottle over my head which now left a scar from my left temple to just behind my ear. He won that one because he took me by surprise even if I did outclass him in size, he was a small angry career drunk and I was a large healthy college kid.

I didn't tell him about my extreme love for the show before the beatdown I received because it was none of his business. I was proud to be a Brony even if we did get a lot of hate for a show. Hate was everywhere, even in online brony communities. This fact saddened me, what the fuck were we arguing about? Just enjoy the show.

Many thoughts ran through my head as I drove my beat up optima into the parking lot, another bargain gift from my parents. It was falling apart and needed to be scrapped. I had to start and turn the car off in a special way, the battery had to be pushed to the side and propped up by a piece of cardboard. I have mechanical knowledge because working at a dodge dealer will do that to you, but even I have no fucking clue why it does that.

Slamming the door I hear the rearview pop off the windshield again. I shoot a glare at the inanimate object "I swear to zenithar I am going to scrap you."

Cursing and lumbering up to the door I sigh when entering the office building. This place was a nice aside from the fact that it was a 'last resort' for people like me.

"Ohhhhhhh you must be James." A lady with a russian accent said, snapped me from my thoughts and looking her over to her made me slightly light headed. Her name tag Natasha, but with a tight leather outfit like that she should be called Mercedes.

"Yep, James Ryan." She said again while looking me over and double taking on my crotch. She bent over slowly while going through a bin of paperwork before returning to me with a clipboard "Just fill this out and sign here."

"here?" I say pointing to the side on purpose to be as annoying as possible.

She leaned over the counter exposing the full mountain range of cleavage before grabbing my finger and tracing it down slowly. "No, lower baby."

Beating a hasty retreat seemed legit at the time _"Did I just get finger raped?"_ I whisper as I take my seat between two guys. The guy to my left was muttering to himself, "I'm not stupid, I'm not stupid, I won't jump, go away."

_'Ohhh yeah gonna avoid this son of a bitch'_ I thought. The guy to my right wasn't any better, he was clawing at scabs on his arms._'Nnope'_

"Mr. Ryan?"

"YES! That's me." Get me away from these psychos. Rushing to the door as it open I was met with who I assumed was my case worker for the day.

"Mr. Ryan, it is a pleasure to meet you!"

_'How do you know? You just met me..'_ "Yeah, lets get this over with." I ring coldly as I snub the outstretched hand. Usually I'm not a complete dick to people, but ONE, I didn't wanna be here and TWO, I do not trust Psychologists.

Psychologists don't tell you about the loophole where they can tell your parents exactly what you said if you are under the age of 18. Yeah , long story short I told a psychologist some things in confidence and he told my dad and I was beaten into the hospital when we got home. Department of Child Services (DCF) did nothing at all, they were told I leapt in front of a car and they fucking bought it! Anyway enough of that.

I walked into her office and looked around, it looked exactly like every other psychology office in the American North East. She had her degree framed in a fancy frame on the wall and a bookcase filled with books, overall it was stuffy and pretentious. This meeting feels like it would go like all the others, an hour of "Mr. Ryan?Mr. Ryan?Mr. Ryan?" Followed by annoying questions about my youth and vague references to my mother. (Thank you sigmund freud for this..)

"Soooooo Mr. Ryan, tell me about yourself." She said sweetly.

"Damn, two minutes and you're already trying to bed me." I giggle to myself like a moron.

"I assure you Mr. Ryan, I am not trying to "Bed" you" She fixes her half circle glasses.

Everyone on this planet always wants to get something from you, no one helps someone else unless there is something in it for them. I glance to the therapist, she was brunette and wore a black pinstripe pantsuit with a lavender tie. looking closer I saw her hair up in a bun, I sighed and shook my head. _"Great I got a fucking crusader."_ I whisper, she was a goodie two shoes who thinks everyone can be helped.

"Did you say something Mr. Ryan."

"Nope."

"I read your dossier, you have never had a real conversation with any of the professionals that you get assigned to."

"Wonder why." I scoff.

I stretch out on the couch ready to nap, I had fastened my car keys and lanyard to my front belt loop and it shifted, resting on my lap.

"So you like My Little Pony." She asked, causing my eyes to shoot open.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

She points to my crotch, looking down I saw my cutie mark keychain. It was Luna's cutie mark, the chain I had chosen for that day. Being a hardcore brony lead to things like bringing cutie marks around with you in different forms and I had all the keychains at my apartment, but this one was my favorite. Why? I like the colors, yes I am shallow and yes I am a horrible person.

"Wait a sec." Making a realization, "You were staring at my crotch."

"WHAT?! N-No I was not I assure you."

"Oh so you aren't going to demand that I take the red pill, causing me to wake up in a tub of ice or in the parking lot without my clothes?" Sounding disappointed.

"No! What is wrong with you?!" She asked exasperated.

"Nothing, just playing doc."

"My name is Alexandra Pommel. Not Doc."

"And mine is James Ryan." Crossing my arms and thrusting back onto the couch, resuming my indignation.

"Sorry, we got off to the wrong start." She says pulling her chair up till she is within arms length, the smell of lavender invading my nostrils. She holds a hand out "My name is Alex."

"Jimmy"

"Jimmy?" She inquires.

"Yeah, only people I like can call me Jimmy."

"So Jimmy, tell me about yourself." she perks up thinking she has won.

"You sure you aren't coming onto me?" I tease. "Cause you seem pretty intent on getting to know me." I look over her and start flirting, I love flirting with uptight people, they lose their minds. When you flirt with people like this they act like you dropped them in the middle of a war zone. I let my eyes wander to places they shouldn't "If you press any more I might have to let you get to know me and I think I might like it."

She uses and arm to block my vision on her chest that was barely contained in her suit top. "Jimmy, please we are running out of time."

"Fine fine." I wave my hand dismissively."What do you wanna know first?"

"What about the reason you're here?"

"Easy, this." I say pointing to my pelvis.

"Mr. Ryan, please stop with the sexual advances."

I roll my eyes, "I meant my key chain, Alex, my father doesn't accept that I watch My Little Pony." She sighs, slightly embarrassed that she thought I was being sexual. "Though if you wanna?" I smile, licking my lips.

Alex Deadpans.

"Fine, it all started when I was in highschool." For the next hour I tell her about my life, when I was in highschool and I found the show, then I told her about my jobs and past failed relationships. I told her of my frustrations and annoyances and I even got her to loosen up. **A LOT.**

* * *

Natasha sat there looking at the clock, _'Alexandra's session was supposed to be done fifteen minutes ago, what gives?'_ Natasha poked her coworker that had just came in to take over and pointed to her office "Sam, We should go interupt them to tell them it's time to wrap up their conversation.

"Yeah, she's probably lecturing him" The younger girl said "She's like a robot when it comes to talking to people."

The both laughed as they approached the door, but stopped when they heard light music.

"Are they doing what I think they're doing?" Sam asked cautiously.

Both workers put their ears to the door.

"Uhhhnnnn, lower."

"What do we say?"

"P-Please. Go slower.. and deeper."

"Oh my fuck, they are!" Natasha whisper screamed and stormed back to her desk "And she scolded me for that!"

Sam, playing the peacekeeper, "well maybe they know eachother and um.. um.."

"No, she was staring at his picture and Agh!"

Both sam and Natasha turn after hearing some thumps and soft bangs coming from the office the patient and doctor were in.

* * *

"Are you enjoying it?"

"Mmyeah"

"I'm glad I came by when I did." I cooed into her ear when moving my hands up her form, sweat already starting to show on my brow.

Her back was to me with her hair let down in long strands of brown and it was pulled to her chest as I pressed on against her form with mine. "Me too, I'm getting a little hot though."

I chuckle lightly before whispering, "Good, it makes it easier for me."

She bit her lip and furrowed her brow, "Faster."

"Sorry, no can do. I only have one way and it's intimate." I say rising a bit for a better position, avoiding our jackets that lay on the back of the couch.

"You are very built up, these muscles are seriously the most tense I have ever seen." I saw trying to work the knot out of her shoulder as she bit her hand.

"Yeah, I've never had this done before."

"What was that?"

"Ah..ahh. I have never had a massage before." She says through flushed cheeks.

"Well sorry for the quality of the massage."

"What do you mean? I think you are doing fantastic."

I just shook my head at her statement while showing my hands, "I have a lot of calluses, masseurs are supposed to have soft hands. I have always had rough hands because I do a lot of manual labor."

I hit a rough patch on her lower back making her bite her lip and quiver, "WhaT KInd oF LaboR"

"Working in garages or warehouses. lots-o-manual labor."

I finish her massage after seeing that were twenty minutes past our time. She ended up sitting between my legs on the couch to get a better angle. She had taken her suit top and tie off revealing her white undershirt and lavender bra, (Not that I was looking/I was totally looking) She had the sexiest beauty mark on her chest.

"Um, Jimmy, you're staring." She said through a blush.

"Whoops sorry, I just can't help but stare at natural beauty."

An awkward silence came over us as we both got ready to part, she fixed her shirt and tie while I put my brown motorcycle jacket on. Did I ride motorcycles? No, I just like the way they look.

I turned to see her standing mere inches away from me, "So same time next week?"

"Sure, if I don't have work." I say passively.

"Then call when you find out." She smiles, this chick just won.. she got me to talk. devious..

Walking out without another word I pass the front desk and saw the two ladies ogling me, I say "Ladies." as I pass. I hear the lady I assumed to be Natasha start ranting the second I opened the door to leave.

"And you told **me** to not do anything!"

* * *

I sigh, pushing my battery back into place to start my car and thinking about my therapist. She was beautiful but she was another broken heart waiting to happen. I had a bad reputation with relationships, I rush into love and then the other person always finds someone better, the worst part was they always forgot to notify me that they had moved on, to put it simply, they cheated on me.

My roommate John was the opposite, he avoided relationships and always had multiple chicks texting him day and night. He had the most annoying text tone, it was the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers communicator sound. I grew used to the sound after knowing him since Freshman year of High School. We did everything together, online gaming, fixing cars, you name it. The one thing that did separate us was My Little Pony, he had been a Brony at first but lately he has jumped ship. His argument is that the fandom is dying down, but that happens in off season, I however, am a true brony through and through.

Driving through the streets of Alexandria I get a text from my boss, Roan. -Come in, we need you.-

"Good to feel loved." I sneer, I knew it was something annoying, Roan usually states what he needs unless its something no one wants to do, cause if he said "Hey we need you to clean all the cars on the lot" Everyone would be like "Oh, I didn't see the text."

Luckily, I was in the area so the drive was short.

Pulling into the dealership I saw many of my coworkers walking into the service bay where we performed maintenance and repairs. I saw john in his coveralls, they were bright green with white strips. He looked peeved so _'yeeeeep it is something stupid'_

Being the loud mouth I am I rode slowly behind the group, "Oi! Dafuq you doin!" I honked at the group who flipped me the bird and started laughing after seeing who I was. "Joooooooooooooohn"

"Yo, Jimmy, waassssssup." He brings me into our ghetto handshake that ends in a bro hoof.

"Nothin, just went to see my therapist. Wha-"

"Did you fuck her?"

*SSIIIIIGGGHHHH* I facepalm at his question. I was the flirtatious one, but John was a super slut. He was one of these "Hey what's your name, wanna fuck?"

Sitting there I thought back to the completely platonic (sexual), nonerotic (super erotic) massage I gave my therapist and blushed up a storm. I avoided his increasingly intense stare and turned to park.

"AAAHHHHH NO! NO! That is not happening right now!" John ran around yelling and laughing. My coworkers walked out of the bay wondering what he was on about.

"RYAN FUCKED HIS THERAPIST!"

"No I didn't!" I shout from under my hood as I go through the tiring process of turning my car off.

"Bullshit! I know that look!" John was tapping me like a psycho. "Why do you smell so strongly of lavenderrrr?"

I look around the the shit eating grins of the other mechanics.

"Guys" I laugh as they approach. "What are you doing?" I'm wrapped in a group hug as these psychos start to smell me "Guys" The mechanics start to laugh "Stahp"

"HEY ASSHOLES!"

I looked over from the sausage fest that is the dodge sales lot to see our collective boss, Roan.

"We have shit to do, stop circle jerking and get over here."

We disperse and walk to the bay, it was like any other professional garage, it had multiple lifts and boxes for tools but that wasn't what grabbed our attention. On all the lifts in the bay were various-

"RYAN!"

"Ah.. What Roan?" He seemed particularly stressed out.

"You know the deal, when you're in the bay You're dressed out."

"FFFFFFFFine." Blubbering as I walk to the locker room. We had some liberties at this dealership, we all got personal coveralls and a jacket/pant/boot combo, all of which had to be approved. My coveralls were red with a white rising sun casting rays onto other parts of my body with black and red boots.

I walked into the bay to see my fellow technicians groaning in frustration.

I saw John beating his head against a lift, "What's wrong big guy?"

John sighed angrily and pointed to all the vehicles "Roan just said we have to assemble their respective engines and take them to Miami Beach."

"What? What about a car carrier?"

"Not fast enough. There is a car show and the owner of this place" John points in all directions "Is hosting the show and wants these cars there in a three days."

"Fuck me in the tits." I grow as frustrated as the other mechanics.

"Well if your offering." John grins like a jackal.

"Get the fuck out you weirdo." Laughing as I push him away. "I call the Charger."

"Ha, nope. Chargers mine." John pushes me away from the beauty.

Looking around I see all the mechanics standing by their respective vehicles which left.. me.. with.. fuck my life.

"Why are you giving me the challenger?" I sneer.

"You were late, Jim." John shrugs "First come first served."

"Shmeh!" I huff, moving to the vehicle. It was a 2015 challenger and while I do like challengers the '15 made a whining sound on acceleration, it was fixable, but It was annoying so I would have to deal with it until Miami.

Preparing my tools for work, I roll over and start crawling under before I hear the sudden release of air and a snap. The challenger slammed down to the floor and the wheel impacted inches away from my head.

"OOOHHHH shit Jim you okay?" John said rushing over with other mechanics to my prone form.

Laying there and staring at the vehicle that nearly made my head a pancake, I teared up. Accidents like this always made me sad, I hated being on this planet so much that if a tire did destroy my head I'd probably welcome it.

"What happened here?" Roan's nasally voice called as he looked over the snapped lift.

"Nothin' boss, Jimmy's luck just saved him again." John said as he walked past Roan, the latter of which avoided looking at John directly. John was tall, even for me, he was a 6'5 black guy that had these crazy emerald eyes. John and Roan often argued back and forth, Roan was a racist and John always dragged that fact out. Sometimes I wished I was John.

"You, back to work." Roan spat as he passed the Challengers grill.

Looking over the new engines I heard John fiddling with the bays speaker system "Any requests?"

The various techs raised their heads "Barbie Girl!"

"Call me maybe!"

"Kenny G! Charm my pants off!"

"Something by Taylor Swift!" These guys loved being silly.

John nodded at all their suggestions like he actually considered them.

I was seated under the hood looking at joints and other components that seemed fine after that spill she took. "What about you, Jimmy?"

Standing up on the broken lift I simply made a movement and pretended to inject my veins with adrenaline, signaling to play a song of the same name by Gavin Rossdale. John laughed "Good choice, good choice." John turned up the speakers to where they cracked when the drums started.

I loved working on cars, but I wanted something more.

"I think were good!" John laughed, jolting me away from under the chassis.

"Huh-wha? What time is it?" I ask slightly upset, ever get woken up from one of thooooose dreams? The one you want to go right back in to? Yeah I was on the beach with human Celestia.. I'll leave you to imagine the details.

"it's nine, C'mon Ryan." John slapped my leg "We have an early start tomorrow."

"Fine, greek tonight?"

"MMMno, how about Italian?"

I looked at John with a deadpanned stare before we both laughed, **"Chinese"**

Moving from under the hood I look over to see Roan glaring at me, no doubt upset that he didn't catch me sleeping. I hold my arms up in a 'dufaq you want' pose. Some people don't deserve management positions, Roan was one of them, he threw his authority around like a chip'n'dale dancer throws his disco stick.

I shake my head and grab my keys to leave, but I am stopped by John who looked nervous "Yo, I'll catch a ride home with vasquez I'll see you later."

"Cool, cool." I say not giving a shit.

Not much happened after I got home, I reheated old chinese food from the China Wok across the street and put on the boob tube. My laptop was hooked up to our large screen so I just sat there half paying attention to Friendship Is Magic and reading fanfiction online. I read many of the comments bronies said to each other, as if we don't get enough hate as individuals. I sigh, unable to read much further.

The room lit up before a loud crash rang out, a storm was moving in fast. I heard the rain start to fall and get heavier as the minutes passed, I didn't care, it was awesome sleeping weather.

I was cleaning my dishes when my show was interrupted, in place of Luna's rant about Nightmare Night was a loud severe weather advisory.

I heard my text tone ring 'Fatality' prompting me to search my coveralls that hung on my black recliner to see a text from John "Hey, were starting the drive tonight. Need to get there asap you know why ;)"

I Laughed, not a 'haha' laugh but a 'fuck you' laugh. "Miami Beach?"

After an hour he texted me back "Yup ;D"

"Whore" After my text he never texted me back.

I sighed, I hate when people do that, at least send me a 'ttyl' or some shit. I begin packing for the trip bringing like two changes of clothes, Laptop and some toiletries along with a knife and a 6 shot revolver. Why weapons? It was Miami. I sat in my chair and started to fall asleep watching Rainbow Rocks, all in all it was an okay night.

The storm raged outside and I looked out onto the city as it was battered by the downpour, "I wish I was in Equestria"

Waking up in my apartment I throw my remote across the room in agitation, I wanted to leave this life so badly and I guess I am the fool for wishing to go to Equestria. I fall asleep wishing and wake up expecting it, but never see it, I just wake up in my apartment slightly agitated. My apartment was dark and I looked at my watch and pressed the G button that lit up a green display saying 5:06, it was time to go.

Driving into work early, I see Roan along with many police investigators questioning other mechanics. Walking up to the bay Roan sees me and points to me. The next thing I know is I am flanked by seven cops.

"James Ryan?"

"Eeyup." I respond annoyed.

"Do you know these men?" The biggest cop asks, pulling out multiple photos.

I see my coworkers and John in the photos, I knew it was not an 'identify this dead guy' question so I responded appropriately. "Look, you know I work here." I drop my duffle "Wanna just cut the horseshit and ask me outright what's up?"

Roan walks over really upset with my attitude "You know! Don't you?"

*SIGH* "And what is it I should know?"

The largest cop named 'Menendez' spoke "Did John tell you anything?"

"Yeah" I say handing over my phone "They said they were getting a head start on the delivery of the cars."

"WHAT?!" Roan yelled, then got quiet.

"What, What?" I say eloquently. "That's the job you gave us."

Menendez looks at the shrinking form of Roan "Is this true."

"Yes, but they were supposed to take them this morning."

The cops sigh and leave except for Menendez "Do you want a followup investigation?"

I pick up my duffle and leave the idiot to defend his over the top reaction. I get easily agitated when people freak out for no reason at all and people like Roan get no remorse at all..

"Ryan!"

Looking around I couldn't pinpoint the source of the voice, given it was slightly dark in the bay due to the early morning hours. We had overhead lights but only every other one was on, which left a lot of shadows.

"Who said my name?"

"Down here you momo."

A red Dodge Viper sat on a lift to my right and had a pair of flailing arms under it and in retrospect I should have guessed who it was.

"Luigi, what's up? Why are the cops here?" Luigi looked like a fatter version of John Leguizamo.

He looked around and signalled me to get closer, so I rested my hand on the rim of the open hood and knelt down "Your buddy john and the other Technicians that were supposed to transport the cars to Miami are going to steal them."

Giving Luigi a sceptical look, "Dude, John has a lax life, he can't steal them. Who do you think John is, a common criminal?"

Luigi chuckled to himself and smiled wide revealing his gross teeth, that bled when he grinned. "Oh he has the connections, he has even planned a story where the cars were stolen and he was held at gun point."

"How do you know this?" I start inching closer.

He looked up at me with weird eyes, they seemed glazed over "I was offered the same deal, but I know the people are killers. yeah yeah killers."

That's all I needed to hear, I needed to go **now** "Where are they meeting?"

"Ever hear of state route 41?"

"No."

"It's a stretch of road that spans the everglades, it is vast nothingness except for an indian reservation. That is where they are doing the switch."

"UGH don't you have anything more specific than that? I **have** heard of the everglades.. that's like half of Florida." I grab his coverall in a threatening manner, my best friend is in trouble I need more info.

Luigi held up his hands in a placating manner "Hey man, that's all I know." Luigi said before I released his shirt "Though I did hear something about a miccosukee casino."

Rising to my feet I strode over to the challenger, but stopped and turned to the greasy mechanic "Thanks Luigi, seriously."

He gave a nod signalling that the gratitude was appreciated.

"OOF" I expelled as I turned headlong into a woman knocking both of us to the floor. I was dazed from the sudden impact and didn't know where I was for a second. My first reaction was to feel around and I got two handfuls of soft. Coming to I saw she was propped up on her elbows with my head firmly in her pelvis, one hand on her chest and the other on her ass.

"Oh shit, ma'am I am so sorry." I say rushing to get up with my face crimson from embarrassment.

"No problem, my girls like a good feel every once in a while." She winked at me.

_'Okay lady you are not helping the rising problem in my pants right now.'_ I thought sarcastically. Looking her over more thoroughly I saw that her hair was two toned black and white, her irises were red and her scalera were yellow. She wore tight grey pinstripe slacks and a matching vest, overall a 10.

I stared for longer than I should have, "Uhhhhh, FUCK sorry I gotta go." I shouted and ran to the white challenger and threw my duffle in the back and hooked up the aux cord.

I started her up with a loud roar and hear the system kick on with an english accent, "User?"

I cycled through the options, I would do this later. I throw it into drive and start rolling and see Roan stomping up to me as I exit the bay, "Jimmy! If you fuck this car up, I'll fuck you up! If I hear that there is one scratch on this car I will beat you till you die."

I may get fired for this but fuck it. slowly and calmly I turn to my employer "Roan, if you say one more fucking word to me, I will get out of this car and open your fucking head." Roan looked like a gasping fish for a second. "That's a good look for you Roan, that open mouth look, now go play soggy biscuit with your man-wife."

I floor the accelerator and peel out of there leaving my soon to be ex-boss stunned.

"Hold on John, I'm on the way."

* * *

Roaring down interstate 75, I crossed the Florida Georgia border a day after I left and when I did the weather went from rainy to hot then hot to windy. Florida was one of the vacation capitals of the world and couldn't decide on what weather to have. I don't know why it was popular, it was hot and muggy and sooooo many old people. Though Florida did have one thing right, the water, being a peninsula helped supply this state with many tourist traps.

After fifty miles I felt like I was being followed so I looked in my rearview a few times and only caught glimpses of a red sports car as it conveniently weaved behind other vehicles when I looked.

Nearing the big turn into the everglades, my suspicions were confirmed, that viper I saw in Alexandria **was** following me. I pulled off the highway and took state route 41 through the everglades and after a while I didn't see the car anymore.

"HA, try following me? Nope." The sky seemed to be getting darker and darker, initially I thought a storm was brewing but it only started to rain normally. The rain was not the reason it got darker, when I looked up I saw the night sky with the most clarity I have ever seen.

Looking back to the road I didn't see a single car, so I floored it and jolted forward to 130, I was close and I needed every second.

After about ten minutes I started to nod my head from sleep deprivation and after coming around a bend I saw something in the road, a cloaked blueish dog.

"HORRYYY SHIEEET" I scream as I slam on my brakes, but it was too late. My vehicle slowed significantly but the impact was still enough to send it skidding across the pavement.

"Shit,Shit,Shit,Shit" I say rushing to the dogs side, but to my surprise it was not a dog. I looked it over "What the fuck are you?"

I looked it over and saw the blood, I lifted the cloth and immediately dropped it and reeled back from what I saw.

"Nope, nope, this can't happen." I rush over and slam my head onto the hood of my car. "Ouch.. yeah definitely awake.."

I slowly walked over and knelt by the downed being that was bathed in the headlights of the car. I took a few deep breathes and pulled back the cloak covering it's head.

There in front of me laid a very injured Lyra Heartstrings, unicorn, citizen of Ponyville and a character in MY favorite tv show and I hit her.. WITH my car.. "Fuck me."

Getting hit by a speeding car would be enough to kill anything, maybe she had a chance if she is still alive. I brought her close and heard the weak thumping of her heart, she was running out of time. Scooping up the unconscious unicorn and buckling her in I sped to the closest lit building for directions to an animal hospital or a clinic SOMETHING!

I saw a lit group of thatched buildings and drove through a small gate before skidding into a cleared dirt area, "HELP! I NEED HELP!"

Nothing happened for about a minute, just a gentle night breeze and the distant cracks of thunder.

"HEY ASSHOLES!"

"You are very vulgar in your language."

I spun on my heels to the voice echoing behind me, and what I saw weirded me out "What the? What are you supposed to be?"

"I am the owner of the gate that you destroyed and the master of these grounds. The real question is who are you?" He said without opening his eyes.

I looked over the middle aged Native American, he was in a full head dress, facepaint, and smoking a pipe. I looked him up and down and he seemed to be in very traditional garb for his tribe, maybe they had a parade?

"I am Jimmy Ryan.."

"Well, Jimmy Ryan, why have you barged onto my reservation with an injured pony?"

"I need hel.. I never said I had a pony.." I stepped back from the man as his smoke started to spread, filling my field of view.

"You are right, you did not, I did." He finally opened his eyes, revealing nothing but black.

Falling to the ground and trying to crawl away on my back the being made no effort to advance on me. "Seriously what the fuck.."

"Cursing like you do will not help you in the future young one." His calm demeanor put me in a state of ease.

Snapping back to why I was there, I pointed to the injured mare. "Will you save her?"

"No, but I can help you save her." He says cryptically. He stomped his foot and torches lit the dim courtyard revealing the forests and a path that laid behind him, it went nowhere but into what looked like a swamp. "The pony came from there and there is where she will survive, **with** your help." He stated pointing the lip of his pipe behind him.

I understood what he meant.. but John..

"I.. I.. Will she live if I take her to a hospital here." I ask rubbing the back of my head, trying to figure out a way out. I love My Little Pony, but John needed my help.

"No." He stared into my eyes with those black pools. Seriously like lever 100 creep right here.

"umm will.." I tried asking about my friend but this guy didn't know him so there was little point.

"He will die with the others who went with him, you cannot save both." When he said that Lyra started to seize prompting him to walk over to the passenger side and exhaled smoke onto her causing her to calm down, "She is running out of time."

I turn to him as a wind sweeps through the small abandoned village "Will I ever return?"

"No."

"Thank you." With a sad smile I leapt into my car peeling past the village elder and into the dark, I knew what I had to do.

*Honk* The village elder sighed after watching the young man leave and walked to the gate where a red Viper sat with its owner sitting on the hood. The torches were extinguished and in their place, ice.

"I see you helped my plaything escape."

"I sent him to a place you could no longer hurt him." The chief said matter of factly as he packed his pipe with more tobacco. "You seem dead set on wronging him, so like a petulant child I took him away from you."

"Ouch, getting serious now are we not?" She cooed stretching her hand out only to have it get frozen the second she crossed an invisible barrier.

"Cold?"

"Very funny, when are you going to lighten up." She giggled and splayed herself out onto the hood of her car once more.

"You are not welcomed here Raven"

"Oh, I'll leave, but i'll be back." She smirked widely "I always am."

"Leave, vile Raven." The chief stomped and the clouds thundered in rage.

The woman stood as she felt raindrops on her skin. "You know I prefer my other name."

"Very well, leave, Eris."

"See you sooooooon."

* * *

I kept checking Lyra's pulse while the swamp sped by outside the window. Her pulse was strong and steady, but still needed medical attention from the wound on her side. The swamp path gave way to a countryside dirt road. "Hold on Lyra."

Lyra opened her eyes weakly to see me pressing against the cloak that was now wrapped around her barrel to keep her from bleeding out.

I floored it, almost maxing out the mph gauge and careened over a hill. My eyes could not believe the sight before me, Ponyville.

The town's lights were dimmed except for a group near a dark forest just opposite the valley I was speeding through. I saw torches and some flying ponies. I almost lost control of my car when I saw the Pegasi, but nerdgasming would have to wait, Lyra needed to get to the hospital. Luckily for me the hospital was the largest building there and with a red cross who could miss it?

* * *

Earlier

* * *

Bonbon was pacing back and forth in Twilight's library surrounded by the elements of harmony and various other concerned Pony Folk "I-I-I-I don't know where she went to.. we got into an argument and and."

Twilight held up her hoof, "Start at the beginning Bonbon, what made you and her get into a fight?"

Bonbon stopped and lowered her head in shame, "She was talking about humans again.. you know how she gets." Bonbon sat on the floor with a huff. "For as long as I can remember she has been obsessed with humans, even to the point of trying to turn into one.."

All the ponies grunt in recognition of this fact. It was a well known fact that Lyra was the resident weirdo, kinda like that crazy cat lady but minus the cats. She would sit like humans, eat like humans, and talk like humans, using references that nopony except Pinkie Pie got but was sure to only be playing along for Lyra's sake.

"We got home from the Summer Sun celebration in Canterlot and she asked me if I thought humans had celebrations like that and and.."

"And what, Bonbon?" The Mayor asked.

"I snapped at her and ranted about humans having never existed and that she should grow up!" Bonbon started to cry. "We need to search for her!"

"How long has it been?" Mayor Mare asked.

"Two days.." Bonbon whispered.

Twilight nodded to the Mayor, "We need to search now"

Fluttershy 'eeped' "N-Now? It is nighttime and dark creatures come out at night."

Applejack put her arm on Fluttershy, "It's okay there Shy, those varmints won't come near a large group of ponies. Plus we need to find Lyra."

Twilight looked to the fastest flyer in Equestria, "Rainbow! Get as many ponies together as you can, there isn't a moment to lose!"

"Yeah!" Rainbow exclaimed as she exploded out the window.

The ponies left the library a few minutes later ready for a late night of searching. In those few minutes Rainbow had assembled a large group of ponies that were holding torches.

"What are we here?" Called a large easily recognizable stallion, Thunderlane.

Twilight teleported to a stage that stood higher than the crowd, "Thank you all for coming, Lyra Heartstrings, our friend is missing."

Silence was the only thing that responded.

"We need to go looking for her." The alicorn deadpanned.

The crowd parted and the town snob, Filthy Rich, walked out with his nose held high, "And why should we? She does nothing but spout nonsense, if she has put herself in a situation that gets her eaten then good riddance."

"Filthy! You truly are filthy!" Rarity chided from behind Twilight. "A mare is in trouble and you would not lend a hoof?"

Filthy answered with his silence as he walked away, being flanked by his daughter.

"Forget'em Twi, we need to start now." Rainbow hovered above the crowd all too ready to play the hero.

Twilight sighed, she started to hate being a princess. She wanted to just be a librarian again not an alicorn with all these responsibilities. In an effort to change her line of thought, Twilight thought about Lyra and where she could have gone. More often than not when ponies went missing they ended up in the everfree forest.

Shaking her head in frustration, Lyra always preached about the existence of humans and she was right, in a way. Canterlot High was home to humans, but not the same humans that Lyra always preached about, they were identical to Equestria in their moods and names. Lyra talked about the massive bloody wars the humans fought and in the process turned away many would-be friends.

Twilight's thoughts were interrupted by a crack of thunder from overhead, a storm had moved in over the everfree. Listening closer Twilight heard music, loud, thrashing music. "Oh my Celestia what is that racket?"

"I don't know darling, but it is atrocious." The white mare said as her ears folded over.

The ponies were at the mouth of the Everfree and heard distant roaring, but the noise didn't come from the everfree. Looking to each other in a puzzled manner, one of the Pegasi flying overhead broke the silence when she shouted.

"That! It's heading toward Ponyville!" Flitter jolted her hoof in the direction of the speeding carriage with lights.

"Princess, what do we do?" The Mayor asked.

"We need to confront that thing, me and the other elements will go do that and the mayor will search the immediate area!" Twilight ordered while sprinting with the other ponies toward Ponyville.

Being between nerdgasming over Ponyville and panicking over the dying fan favorite is very taxing. I looked around and saw buildings I recognized, but in a 3-D cartoon image instead of the 2-D video I watched on dailymotion. I saw many buildings I didn't recognize and the village seemed larger than what I would have imagined. Lights started to turn on in the houses as I passed them on my way to the hospital.

Reaching the hospital took longer than I wished, slamming the brakes on and throwing the emergency brake on I wrapped my head in a blue shirt I had in my duffle. _'I can't let these ponies see too much of me.'_ I thought.

Many fanfictions I read, things are normal until the human arrives and then the shit hits the fan. And something I wasn't down for right now was copious amounts of crap to be in or around the vicinity of a fan two minutes after I got here..

Lyra was starting to convulse sending me into a panicked rush to get her inside. I ripped her door open and scooped her shivering form in my arms, rushing her to the main doors. Spartan kicking them in and scaring a pony that was sitting in the waiting room I strode over to the help desk where a White mare, Nurse Redheart, sat and read a magazine.

_'Did you not just hear me break your door?'_ I glared at her as she chewed gum and slid a clipboard saying 'new patient procedure'. I propped Lyra onto my shoulder and slammed my fist down onto the desk bell, breaking it. She looked up to me and froze as I swore at her "REDHEART DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!"

Looking around holding Lyra there I saw the doctor in the corner of my vision, "Nurse! Prepare a room!" He shouted, levitating a gurney under Lyra and checking her while I layed her down carefully.

"She's lost a lot of blood! Get three bags of A+ NOW!"

Stepping back watching the doctors work I caught myself feeling guilty, _'I hope she doesn't die because of me.'_ I shook the feeling and turned but not before caught the eye of the stallion in the waiting room. He looked at me with terror and his mouth was gaping. I nodded at Filthy Rich as I ran out the door and jogged to my car I heard someone shout.

"YOU STOP!"

Glancing over made my heart melt, I saw Twilight Sparkle like seven houses away running towards me with the other members of the mane six. I looked at each one and shook myself out of my stupor, "Fanboy later, run now."

"What the? I SAID STOP!" Twilight yelled at me and tried to run faster.

The roar of the engine shook the nearby building as the car sped out of the town. In the rearview I looked at the shrinking group and buildings, but I saw the Rainbow had matched my speed while keeping her distance. Looking around I didn't see a place to run, suffice to say I didn't think this out.

The flicker of light from the forest caught my eye, "Fuck" I knew that this dark forest was the everfree and that the one constant in every fanfiction and episode was that you shouldn't fuck with the everfree. Speeding along the edge of the forest I passed an opening that led to a path, that's my exit. I whipped around my car and spun out, I looked around "Of course I'm on grass.." Sharp turns and grass never mix.

To my left I saw Rainbow land, giving the car a cautious look. What would you do if you saw Rainbow Dash, like **THE** Rainbow Dash? I giggled(masculine giggle) and squealed(manly squeal) while taking a photo with my phone.

She started approaching while saying something, I couldn't hear her because my music was loud. _'I gotta get out of here'_ Biting my lip in urgency, I start to roll slowly because if I gun it I may dig myself into a hole and then I would be verbally raped/assaulted by Twilight. My rolling angered the Pegasus and she flew infront of me but high enough that I could pass under her. I rolled against her protests and saw that the other five had started to catch up.

"Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on" I say looking for the opening. When I finally saw it my heart dropped, a blue pony I didn't know was standing at the entrance. "Fuck me"

At this point I was sitting in my car trying to calm my breathing, I loved the show and I wanted nothing more than to jump out and be like 'hey I'm jimmy sorry I hit your friend', but on the other hand I have NOO idea what consequences that would have. I glanced at the mane six talking and looking at the car before Twilight stepped out and started talking, again I couldn't hear her from the volume of my music. Looking around more I saw many of the Ponyville ponies walking up from behind them.

The pony that had been obliviously standing at the entrance moved to the approaching group and with her movement I shifted and slammed down on the gas.. and then nothing. "What the fuck? Am I fly...ing"

_'Twilight's right fucking there, THE element of magic is right there.. of course she would use magic.'_ I glance over and cycle through my ipod. "Lets see if you can concentrate with Rammstein."

*Pant* *Pant* "Are we there yet Twilight?" Rarity coughed, wanting the exercise to end.

"Almost, I see Rainbow flying above it. It stopped!" Twilight exclaimed in victory. "Now we can ask it what happened!"

"B-But it ate that thing that was walking out of the hospital!" Fluttershy shouted.

Twilight remembers when she went to Canterlot High and seeing "Cars" they were self driven metal carriages. Maybe this thing is from there and this is all just a giant mishap?

"Twilight, I caught it" Rainbow yelled proudly, standing beside the car that was booming with music.

"Eh, sugarcube, I don't think you did anythin'" Applejack drawled, "It just stopped."

While the girls bickered back and forth Twilight sat there trying to observe the idle car, it was white with black lines above the tires. She tried to make out more details but it was very dark and she had just ran what she felt was enough for a lifetime.

"What do we do?" Rarity whispered.

"I will try and initiate negotiations.." Twilight poised herself while the other mares fell into formation beside her. "Um.. Mr. Car! Greetings I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, Regent of Friendship and holder of the Element of Magic!"

Mr. Car didn't respond to Twilight save the growl of the engine and the low boom of music. Twilight grew agitated that she had just introduced herself with no response whatsoever.

"Uhhh Twilight ah think it's about ta run." Twilight's stetson wearing friend warned.

"Oh no you don't!" Twilight ignited her magic in an attempt to stop the car from speeding out of there. It was a struggle to lift the pulling carriage, but she did it. "HA! Now you will answer my questions!"

"Whow Twilight!" cheered the other mares as more ponies arrived to the scene.

A sound started to play from from the floating car and after a few seconds, it was pleasant until it exploded with a loud thrashing sound shaking the area with it's bass. The volume was breaking Twilights concentration and with a final flicker the car dropped and kicked up dirt as it sped into the forest.

Rarity held a hoof to her mouth and gasped, "Oh my"

Twilight grunted in anger, "What?"

"I assume none of you speak germane?"

The ponies gave a collective 'No'

Rarity sat there slightly disturbed at the words she heard, she slumped slightly.

"What is wrong Rarity?" Fluttershy asked.

"That thing.. it said whoever knows pain from the fire that burned the skin is blamed, in germane.." (Yay for cultural differences)

The ponies gave each other nervous glances before Twilight stood, "We need to tell the Princesses, NOW"

"HAAA YEAH!" I scream seeing the ponies left in my rearview. Listening to feuer frei always did the trick to ruin people's coherent thought. With significant distance between me and the ponies who didn't pursue, I turned my music way down.

"Fuck me.." I cursed seeing my gas gauge was a notch away from E. "Well it was a good run while it lasted."

After a few more minutes I stopped driving due to the sight that laid before me, through the forest I saw the ruins of an old village that sat by what looked like a lake. _'This wasn't in the show'_ I parked and put my only firearm in my waistband.

Approaching the ruins I began to get a cold feeling, haven't even been here a day and I broke one of the main rules.. don't fuck with the everfree. This place was more still than it should have been, no animals, not even a breeze. Everything seemed to have been abandoned in a hurry, kitchens had long rotted meals and playgrounds had the remains of eroded toys. If you ever see pictures of Chernobyl, the eeriness felt identical. I walked and walked, this village was big but not without end. I walked up to the lakefront and stood on a stone jetty, the lake was enormous and in my amazement I looked up.

"No way.. No fuckin WAY!" I exclaim in excitement at what my eyes beheld.

'The ruins of the royal pony sisters' The village laid at the base of the small mountain the castle was built into, I saw the rickety bridge that covered the ravine I saw in episode two. Looking closer I saw that the castle had a dock that led to the lake with two giant rusted iron gates, one for boats and one for carts.

My excitement was halted when I heard growling. Everfree at night plus growling? Equals a 'fuck no' to the power of 'nope'. I beat a hasty retreat to the iron doors I saw earlier, maybe they were open.. I wasn't holding my breath though.

I drove to the doors and the closer I got the more forlorn I grew. "Come ON! Can I get a break?"

The iron door had decayed for 1000 years, why would it work? The metal was flaking badly and where there wasn't flaking was completely rusted through and brittle. I walked around it and saw an old chain that laid at its base.

"Aha! Brain Blast!" I yell making fun of my name a little (Jimmy - Jimmy neutron) I wrap the chain around a sturdy bar and hook it up to the tow hook and pulled the gate down with the engine sputtering and threatening to die. "Cmon just a little longer-OH SHIT!"

A manticore leapt on my hood but misstepped and fell off the front. "What do I do? AGH?!" I gunned the car forward when the lion-thing got up, sending it to the ground again.

I cursed and got out of my car with my revolver, "Stop! I don't want to kill you!" In truth I really didn't cause those who kill animals in Equestria are always found out and then treated like a monster. In an effort to not add the the growing list of shit I scream again, maybe it could understand me like Fluttershy. Nope.

"STOP!" The manticore charged at me leaving me little choice but to open fire. And open fire I did.

The clicking of the trigger was the only sound that remained after the manticore hit the ground. My nerves are a mess, I have never killed before. I lived in the city, why would I need to hunt? "AGH!" I yell in frustration as I bury my boot in the side of the dead beings head. I needed all six shots to down the beast, only the last one seemed to actually affect it.

The sleep deprivation from the past two days of not sleeping was rushing to take me. I tore down the gate and drove into the gaping maw that was the dark cart entrance and used what little gas I had to shut a secondary door. The secondary door was in better shape, it was made of wood but it only seemed one hundred years old instead of an age ten times that. The second I pushed it shut with the front of my car the engine sputtered and died leaving only the electrical systems on.

So here I am, a human in Equestria. I have no ammunition, no gas, no food, and noooo combat experience. I start to freak out but the strains of past events start to drag my eyes shut and whisk me away to sleep. My panic about the situation here being postponed until I tomorrow.

"And then it 'drove' into the forest where soon after you heard six loud bangs and then nothing?"

"Yes, Princess Celestia."

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna stood in the middle of the Ponyville library. It was Luna's time to reign over the night, but the urgency of Twilight's letter made it necessary to wake her sister. Luna stepped up to Twilight with a curious expression

"And this, what did you call it Twilight? Human? This human is the one that attacked Ms. Heartstring?"

"No, yes, ..we aren't sure." Twilight sighed, defeated from the hour long interrogation that the Princesses put her through. "The doctor said that it was the one that brought Lyra in and demanded them to help her. Nurse Redheart said it called her by name, but we think the shock of the situation is clouding her account of the situation."

"And you are sure it is a human, Twilight Sparkle?" Luna pressed further slightly disturbed by the situation at hoof.

"We didn't get a good look at it, its head was covered up and it moved too fast. Though, it drove a car which is something I've only ever seen when I went to retrieve my crown from Sunset Shimmer."

"This is troubling indeed." Luna looked to her sister who wore a contemplative expression. "What do you think, Tia?"

"I think we need to wait for it to reappear before we do anything." Celestia said wisely "Let it's intentions be known before we act one way or another. Though, we need to contact Sunset Shimmer regardless to discover if she knows anything about this."

"Do you think she will help us?" Twilight asked.

"I feel she has turned over a new leaf, with the elements of harmony and some real friends she is seeing the error of her ways." The white princess smiled warmly.

Rainbow flew up, "But the portal only opens once every thirty moons?"

"A problem easily remedied, Rainbow Dash." Luna said proudly.

Rainbow, without thinking asked "How?"

Luna deadpanned and pointed to her cutie mark.

"OH.. right.. haha." Rainbow scratched the back of her mane in embarrassment, she was the moon goddess, of course she can manipulate the moon cycle.

"Then it is settled," Celestia rose "In three days we will meet at the castle and you will contact Sunset Shimmer"

"Yes, Princess." Twilight gritted her teeth a little, she was unsure if this was too soon to test Sunset. She wronged everypony and nearly destroyed a school..

*ACHOOOO*

"Yah okay there Sunset?" Applejack asked.

"Yeah, I might be getting a cold because I have been sneezing all day."

Pinkie Pie jumped out from behind the counter, "OH OH! Maybe a human found his way into Equestria and the princesses want your help in figuring it out, but things go crazy when a hotty hot hotty starts to play with his temper and his libido mmmhmhmmhm-"

Rainbow shoves a cupcake into the Pink demons mouth "Pinkie that's enough of your craziness."

Sunset sat there and looked out the window of the cafeteria to the statue that was the portal between worlds and gulped, "I have a bad feeling about that."


	2. Chapter 2 What is the question? (fixed)

pre"*Get up Get up Get up Get up* "*Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up* "*Ah baby now let's get down tonight*

'Music?' Being roused from my deep sleep I heard the soft tunes of Marvin Gaye. The question is, why? I mentally shrugged my shoulders, at least I'm warm.

I feel a pressure against my body, but after the night I had I was probably just hallucinating. I start feeling around and grab a handful of soft warm flesh. 'That's not right' I run my hand up the figure until I grab another handful of soft. After hearing a giggle I slammed on the cabin light, revealing a very hot, very naked female. I only saw her red eyes and two toned hair before panicking, Where have I seen her?

"mmm I hope there's breakfast with this show."

"AAHH?!" Screaming as manly as possible and leaping out of the parked car. (I.E. screaming like a little girl and falling out of an open door..)

Crawling away I form a panicked line of thought, 'This had to be fake, yeah! I crashed on the road and the head trauma put me in a coma where I am living out a fantasy! WAIT no that's horrible!' My thinking stops when a hand grabs my pants and yanks me backwards. Whoever this chick was, she was strong.. meaning I may be the one getting man handled.

The woman crawls up to me and clothes start to appear on her in a stream of smoke. She leans in for a kiss and the entire world starts to crack and shatters.

"AH" I scream as I jolt upright from my prone position in the backseat. I inspect my surroundings as well as my body, "That was possibly the most terrifying form of arousal that I have ever felt."

Hearing the all too familiar growl of my stomach summons me to a serious state. I needed to find food, but where?  
I step out of my car into a large room that was being lit by an old stained glass windows above both entrances. I immediately saw that everything was just like the village, old and worn away. The items left behind were nothing more than a pile of rubble, even with magical enchantments. Walking around I saw that the canal lead several yards into the chasm before stopping at a stone jetty. A boat was still moored my a post and rested at the bottom of the canal. There were various rooms on either side of the canal, each of which had a specific purpose. I read the labels: Servant living quarters, medical wing, armory, kitchen, stockpile room, and lastly the captains quarters.

Sighing in slight defeat I sat on an old barrel that snapped and crumbled beneath me sending me into a near by pillar. "Fuuuuuck.." Laying there I hear another grumble.

Where do people go when they're hungry here?

*SNAP*

The loud snapping sound turns my head toward my car where I see a plate and a box. 'If this were a movie, this would probably bestrong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"that/strong trap where people yell at the screen in an effort to get the hero to run.' I was too hungry and too pretty to die.

The aroma of a special sandwich, no, THE KING of breakfast food. I slowly pulled the napkin and a glistening tear rolled down my cheek, before me laid two number twos from Mcdonalds.

Looking over the letter I saw the mark of a lipstick kiss in the corner. The paper smelled of cinnamon and clove and was neatly folded.

I ripped up the sandwiches and started digging into them like a man on a mission. 'When did I eat last?' I mentally asked myself.. too long ago if I needed to ask. After digging into the sandwich demigod, I looked at the box that sat on the trunk. I sloppy opened it with one hand because screw every thing, I am not releasing this Mcmuffin.

"Ugh.. what.." I looked at a cloak and what seemed to be books from this world, they were old and ranged in subjects like hunting, trapping, basic survival, and ..taking care of a pregnant mate? One book on the bottom caught my attention span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: underline;""Typhon, separating myth from legend."

"The fuck?" Before I could continue my gripe session I hear another snap and see another nore floating in front of me.

"Okay this is gettin freeeaky" Commenting on the situation in general: The notes, the books, the castle, Equestria..

Dropping the Typhon book I strode to a smaller door beside the cart entrance and, after some rearranging, barged out into the day. "YYYYEEEEESSSSS!" I yell to the sky while collapsing to my knees. Looking around desperately taking in every detail of my environment. I silently thanked whatever diety that sent me here and silently promised to serve them, A thought that I didn't know was being listened too.

I was shaken from my excitement by the thought of my best friend, John. I left him to die.. I traded his life for Lyra's, I didn't have the authority to make that call. I shook slightly as I tried to rise, but failed and ended up falling backwards. John was a brother to me and I chose to come here. Guilt washed over me, I felt like a statue in the wastes of time.

"It isn't your fault you know." *Cr-r-ruck*

I lazily looked over to a raven that was perched on a mooring bollard, the bird was easily the largest blackest bird I've ever seen. It stared at me intently, waiting for a response. em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"'you're pulling my leg..'/em "Did you just talk?"

"Yes I did handsome." The raven cawed out before flying to another perch while I sat there in a state of awe. I will need to get used to shit like this. "What did you mean this isn't my fault? And how do you even know what's going on."

"I see a lot human." The Raven flew to the ground in front of me "You are troubled by the death of a loved one, are you not?"

"I am."

"Want to talk about it?" The raven started to break it's voice pattern, it went from a gravely voice to a devious one.

"Not really."

"FINE" The raven flew into a tree.

I got up and lumbered to the entrance I made before the raven called to me "What was the better choice?"

I turned to loose my rage upon the nuisance, but she had already disappeared into the forest. 'What was the better choice? Seriously?' I reflected on this for the next few hours, should I have let Lyra die? No, it is just an unfortunate event and I need to make the best of it.

Hearing the all too familiar growl of my stomach again I looked over the hunting and trapping books and laughed to myself in despair. "I can't do all this shirt notice?!" I would have to make some of the tools required to set some of the traps by hand, or steal them.

Thinking back on the literal millions of words that I have read from fan made stories and of the actual show itself, I thought about where to get a decent amount of food. Also if I couldn't stockpile the food, than at least have a steady stream of it. mentally cycling through the options, Sweet Apple Acres kept popping up. Applejack's farm was enormous and plentiful, but that meant tempting fate and possibly crossing either Big Mac or Applejack. Big Mac being a powerhouse and Applejack being Applejack 'Iron pony' Apple, if the fiction was anything to go by. Other places like Sugarcube corner posed different issues, like being smack dab in the middle of the village and would require me to break in.  
Looking out the door way for the manticore that I slew last night I notice something horrifying, it wasn't there. It was a shame, I could have easily made some food out of that. After grabbing my knife and cloak I stretch ready for my journey "Well, Sweet Apple Acres it is."

After some strenuous walking through the forest path my mind starts to wander, is this Equestria like the show? Or like a fanfiction? Given, some fanfictions are extremely accurate to the show except for the addition of a few characters. I stop suddenly "I really hope zombies don't exist here." I look to all sides before quickening my pace, I hate zombies with a passion.

In an attempt to get my thoughts away from zombies, I start to jog along the path. What were my plans here? Would I just live in the castle and become a hermit? Or would I risk going to the ponies and be put in a zoo? em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"'Zoo sounds nice, lots of food, adored by all, and Twilight asking me questions..'/em Yeah going to the ponies is a 'hell no' if there was even the slightest chance I could be turned into a project. I've read things man..

Slowing to a stop, I saw Ponyville through the trees and it looked as colorful as always. Apple trees bordered the town on the side opposite from where I was. The distance and route weren't an issue, the unpredictability of the ponies was. If I was caught then I likely wouldn't be able to outrun them. If Applejack and Rainbow Dash saw me I was dead on the spot, if PINKIE saw me then I was in real trouble. She would probably wait till I was asleep, then kidnap me.

The walk over was completely uneventful, except.. y'know.. seeing all the ponies walking around, then seeing buildings I recognized and yearned to explore. I'll spare you the excruciating detail, but I took extra time looking at key characters and the layout of the town before heading out on my mission.

The forest surrounding Sweet Apple Acres was lush and calm, a complete contrast from the everfree. I made my way to the first orchard I saw, it had a great many Apples ready to be harvested. Pondering my predicament briefly, I decided to pick a few Apples as fast as possible, if these apples were ready then one of the apple siblings was around harvesting. I grabbed one and its tantalizing red color called to me.

"Ma-Maybe just a bite.." One bite and I was hooked. These apples were delicious, I tore into the first four with vigor after a bite from curiosity.

My obsession with the treats was halted when I heard thumping. Maybe thumping was the wrong word, I heard a slam which was followed by several small thuds.

"That must be one of the Apples." I climb into a tree just in time to miss Applejack and Twilight round a larger appletree a few yards away, they seemed to be in the midst of an angsty conversation.

"Ah don't know Twilight, ah still think we should go with ya." Applejack slammed her toned legs into the side of an old appletree, dislodging all the waiting fruit. "Ahm just looking out for ya, maybe this Sunset Shimmer reverted to her old ways."

"I know Applejack, but you know the princesses left the mission to me alone." Twilight shuffled her hooves. "I just wanted to know if you could watch Spike, he isn't allowed this time."

"Why not?"

"The princesses believe that his talking may give us away to possible.. threats.." Twilight looked at the ground and saw some weird elongated hoofprints.

"What does that mean? Possible threats?" Applejack asked, only receiving silence in return "Twilight?"

"AJ come here" Twilight motioned to Applejack. I watched them talk in a hushed conversation before Applejack burst out with a laugh.

"AND you think it is on meh farm?" Applejack shook her head in mock disappointment "We Apples know how ta take care of our land and keep varmints away."

"But Applejack, look! these prints are fresh and they look like boots. When I went to Canterlot High, all the students wore shoes or boots." Twilight pointed to the print, after realizing it was indeed a print made by a human.

'Shit.' I thought to myself as I watched the scene unfold. If they saw me then I would have to turn myself over or run the risk of looking like a monster.

Applejack perked up, "Then let's catch this crouton!"

Twilight tried catching up to her friend, "Don't you mean kreten?"

Once I hear them far enough away I make my way down the tree, "Yeah I should grab a jacket full of these and bounce."

Leaning down, I strip off my jacket and start to.. I stop what I was doing in realization that I was stealing from Applejack. I would pay for these if I had the money. I shrug my shoulders and start to pack frantically, if Twilight was even half as smart as I thought she was then she would figure out that the tracks were going the wrong way. Throwing the food over my shoulder, I jog out of the acreage, I needed to get to a turf that didn't leave prints to follow.

This farm was enormous and I was forced to stay concealed by pathways unless I wanted to get lost. I kept running and started running on grass until I heard snaps behind me.

"I think were getting closer!" Twilight yelled.

'FUCK' I drop into a dead sprint away from them gaining ponies and I see a broken down barn in the distance off my left side. I change course suddenly and run to the debris, I needed to hide fast. Leaping feet first under a collapsed barn wasn't the best idea I've ever had, but when you gotta hide you gotta hide.

"UGH! They just disappear!"

"What do we do now Twi?"

"Contact the princess and in the mean time I need to pack.

I lay there listening to the voices as they start to disappear. Laying the under the barn was interesting, I could see all the names carved into the ceiling that now rested mere feet away from my head. After an hour, I sigh and leave for the castle again. I do not want to be out here when night falls.

The walk to the castle was uneventful except seeing the remains of a few woodland critters being eaten by larger animals. I misses my gun right about now, I only had the six shells so it was useless. I mean it isn't like I can run to a bass pro shop or a gun store, y'know? "Hunny I'm home!" I yell into the castle's docking area.

Maybe I should go exploring?' I thought while chowing down on an apple and turning the radio on without thinking. "Ugh that's right, different world means no radio." I sighed and plugged my Ipod in.

*She calls me from the cold-Just when i was low, feeling short of stable-And all that she intends-And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label* I sit back to relax in my seat as the opening of Fuel started to play. I'll wait until morning to explore the castle.

Waking up from my apparent nap I feel a pressure on my chest that prompts me to look. After slowly opening my eyes I see nothing but blackness, something was covering my eyes. Feeling around again I grab two handfuls of soft.

"Oh my, you are more grabby when you're awake then when you're sleeping." Came a refined feminine voice.

My eyes shoot open and meet a pair of red orbs. I sigh and deadpan "Am I asleep again?"

She wraps my neck in her arms and nibbles on my earlobe, "No, but do you want it to be?"

"Ah-Ah, S-Stop" I try, but fail to get her to stop her advances. "I-I s-said Stop!"

I pull the enigmatic woman off to reveal someone I had not expected to see. It was the same woman from the dealership that I crashed into and accidently groped as well as the very same woman I had woken up to this morning. She looked at me with a shy smile as I held her against the steering wheel by her wrists. She was wearing a maids outfit "Wha? What? ERIS?!"

Almost like seeing a movie for the second time, I try to crawl out of my car to be grabbed by a hand again. "Where are you going stud?"

"Away from ..you" My words fail me as I see her beautiful form exit the car and levitate me up by my boots.

"Oh but why dear?" She runs her finger up my body "We have so much to offer each other."

I start getting light headed as she examines me, she starts to grab and prod me while doing the classic doctor's 'mmm' 'interesting'. She snapped a few times and summoned a couch and an office cabinet. She gave me one more long glance before snapping me to the couch where she sat next to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Are you the one who brought me here?" I tried asking through my daze.

She smiled and grasped my hand, "YES! You were given a choice and you succeeded" She leaned in and whispered into my ear "And I'm glad you did."

"Why is that?"

"Because now I have returned to Equestria as well!" She exclaimed before tackling me down onto the couch kissing my cheek. "Now that I am back, I will get revenge on my little brother for trapping me on your plane!"

"Little brother?"

"Oh, as if you don't know" She giggled while trying to smother me in a hug "Surely you see the family resemblance!"

"FFFFuck me" I face palm in realization.

"mmmnot unless you marrrrrry me" She teased "But for you I could bend some rules."

"Are you trying to bed me?" I tease back before she goes to the next level and pins me down by climbing up my body and sitting on my chest.

"I'm going to set some things straight sweety." Her pelvis slid down to mine and she planted her hands on my chest and whispered in my ear "You are mine, for me to do what I please when I please."

"HA, you think I'd really just sell myself to a draconequus?" I chid as she smiles devilishly.

"Oh but you've already sworn your allegiance." She opened her mouth and words started to echo through the chasm, but they were not hers, they were mine.

*I swear to whatever being brought me here, you will have my undying loyalty and love until I die. You can set me upon any task and I will will serve.*

"So like I said, hunny, "You are mine"

My eyes were like saucers when the end of the recording came, I thought those words. My mind raced between every possibility, would she use me to fight her wars or to assassinate someone. Maybe she would use me and handcuff me to the bed-

"Oh nothing like that, well maybe the latter. I will go into detail a bit later, but for now sit tight and avoid talking to those ponies." She smiled down at me and got up from me. She hovered by the car in a leisurely position with her arms behind her head "And whatever you do, tell no one of your world, not one thing."

"But"

Actually, on second thought." She sighed before flying over to me and locking me in the deepest kiss I have ever received. The seconds melted away while she destroyed my throat, her tongue felt like it was spreading ice over mine. After a few seconds of intense making out, I accepted the kiss and started to make physical advancements of my own. I started to test the boundaries of this demigod. Finally she moved her hands to my face and lightly bite my tongue, before pulling away, signifying the end of the make out session.

"Was that as good for you as it was for me?" She smirked at my breathless expression. "Oh! look at the time, I have somewhere to be!" She snapped and the maids outfit evaporated into the pantsuit she wore when I last saw her.

My throat hurt and seared with a little pain, "Wait, I have more questions! What did you do to me?"

"Just a little insurance should you decide to not uphold your end of the bargain. Now I have to go ta-taaaa" She burst into little images of floating hearts.

I collapsed to my knees and my phone beeped in my pocket showing I have a message from a new contact. It was just a kissy face saying it was sent from Eris with a picture of her in a bikini. "If I wasn't sure, I could swear she's trying to seduce me." sarcasm is your best friend.

Sitting up on an old barrel, I look around the room once more and think of what just happened. I am now going to be a man servant of a chaos ..god? Demigod? What is discord, a spirit? Yeah, I am the personal bootycall for a spirit of chaos. I stood up and puked into the old canal, I have no idea what eris would force me to do or to whom and that made me the ill. I love this world, I don't want to screw it up.

"Sunset Shimmer! Over here!" Pinkie yelled from the groups table in the corner of the cafeteria. The room was packed with students who resented Sunset Shimmer's past three year power trip and subsequent demonic imprisonment.

"H-Hi girls." Sunset was grateful that Pinkie Pie and the others forgave her for her past and were able to put it behind them, "Are you guys ready for the pep rally later?"

The humanized mane five looked at sunset and gave varying responses, Pinkie of course being the most energetic.

"Did Y'all hear? We're getting a new school counsellor." Applejack asked then downing a fizzy soda.

"Oh yes, I heard that whoever it was, was from a prestigious school up north." Rarity confirmed.

The girls start speculating on the new staff member before Principal Celestia announced over the school speakers that it was time for the pep rally. The pep rally and the new counsellor were the talk of the school for the past few days. The latter being vastly more popular, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna had not given out any details except that she was likely going to show during the rally.

Sunset sat there and thought it would be a good idea to schedule a meeting as soon as possible so she could try and get out of her funk. Ever since the elements of harmony blasted her Sunset has felt nothing but sadness and anger for the person she was.

"Do you girls think I should make go see her?"

"Why dear? You seem perfectly fine." Rarity chuckled.

"I don't know, I just want to make sure that I am okay. Y'know?"

After some conversation the girls made their way to the school gym where the sports team and various clubs put on a show before principal Celestia walked out onto a temporary stage. "Greetings Canterlot High school, I am sure you will join me in applauding those who came out to entertain you *Clapping* Now, I am sure you all have heard about the new councellor we were supposed to get today. I am sorry to report that she has been delayed by traffic."

The gym gave a collective "Ahh" in disappointment.

""She will be here tomorrow morning ready to receive eager visitors. Thank you." And with that Celestia wrapped up her announcement, Sunset Shimmer was slightly nervous because now she had no idea if the person was nice. Surely she would be nice if she looked nice, right?

"It's okay Shimmer, You will see her tomorrow" Pinkie patted Sunset's back eagerly.

"Y-Yeah, tomorrow."

Later that day, Sunset was walking to her seventh period with her head in the cloud, "Maybe I should write everyone an apology letter? No no that would never-OFF*" Sunset slammed directly into another person which let all her books fly out of her bag. "Oh I am so so so sorry."

"It is quite alright, Miss?"

"Oh sorry, I am Sunset Shimmer." Sunset lowered her head in embarrassment.

"It is fine" The lady said as she bent down to pick up a book that was emblazoned with an orange and red sun "Hmm interesting, where is this from Ms. Shimmer?"

"Oh.. um.. my home." Sunset tried wording her way around the truth. Sunset looked the very curvy woman before her, it was obvious she was staff but Sunset had never seen her before "I'm sorry I didn't get your name."

"Oh, I am Eris, the new school counsellor." The woman examined the book further and smiled devilishly.

"OH! I wanted to make an appointment for tomorrow, can I do that?" Sunset said hopefully, wanting to make a good first impression.

"Sure, just drop by" Eris handed the book over "I have a feeling we will be seeing a lot of each other Ms. Shimmer"

"O-Kay" Sunset grabbed the book from Eris who had an unnaturally strong grip *Ring* "Oh no! I gotta get to Chemistry! Sorry Ms. Eris!"

Eris smiled to herself and waved as Sunset Shimmer hurried to class em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"'Interesting, a link to Equestria that is already set up.'/em Eris walked to her office planning her next move to revenge em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; box-sizing: border-box;"'wonder what Jimmys doing?'/em

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I was hauling ass back to the castle after nearly being eaten/or sexed by a manticore. The lack of a backpack made the sprinting so much worse.

'I swear when I get ahold of Eris I am going to strangle her'/em I kept sprinting hard and harder until I crossed the infamous rickety bridge and barrelled into the vacant castle and slammed the door behind me as the manticore crashed headlong into the now barricaded door.

"Ugh.. I didn't think this place would be this dangerous-urk" I puked my guts out from all the sprinting I just did. "Uhh cmon.."

I looked around, I have yet to actually explore the castle. Then the revelation hit me ..I have YET to explore the castle.. yeees. I giddily crawled up the stairs that lead to what I assumed was their rooms. My legs felt like jello, but my excitement overrode the pain.

The second I reached the top of the staircase my stomach dropped with a look down a dark hallway, "I hope this doesn't end like an indie horror game." /pre 


End file.
